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BEFORE I SAY GOODBYE
Ruth Picardie was born in 1964 and grew up in London, England. She studied social anthropology at Cambridge University, but writing was her first love. She was a first-class journalist, writing for a number of magazines and newspapers, serving as editor at London's Guardian and Independent newspapers. Thus, it was a normal thing to her to write about her illness. It began with a lump in Ruth's left breast. It was diagnosed as a harmless fibroid tumor. So Ruth and her husband, Matt Seaton, forgot about it and went on with their lives. When Ruth was offered a chance at in vitro fertilization, they took it, and had their twins, a son, Joe, and a daughter, Lola. Before long, the harmless lump began to grow, and Ruth returned to the doctor. The children were just two months past their first birthday when Ruth's growing lump was diagnosed as breast cancer. She was also diagnosed as having a rare neurological disorder, called a brain infarct. In a collection of emails to and from Ruth's friends, the seven columns she wrote for Observer Life, where her sister, Justine Picardie, is an editor, letters to her children, and the memories of her sister and husband, we go with Ruth through the final year of her life. We are with her and hear her terror and the anger as she goes through the agony of a totally unsuccessful round of chemotherapy. It was debilitating, made her violently ill, and did not shrink the tumor one bit. As an added burden to an already difficult situation, Ruth had to battle the medical establishment to even obtain the diagnostic tests that would track the illness as it spread throughout her body. We read of one botched diagnosis after another, and wonder if a more competent medical system might have saved this woman's life. The new tests reveal what Ruth has already known from the ache in her sternum and the sick headaches she has been battling. The cancer has spread to her bones, and the "infarct" is in reality a brain tumor. The doctor told her the tumor was on the right front lobe of her brain and shouldn't affect her in any way. But Ruth did what any good journalist would do under the circumstances. She began to find information about her ailment on her own. She found that, in most cases, dementia is a result of such tumors. She wrote, "Great, I'm going to die, but I'm going to go bonkers first." Throughout her illness, we see Ruth's courage and total lack of self pity as she takes us through a succession of treatments, both mainstream and alternative. We also see her strength and sense of humor remain intact, though treatments fail, the cancer spreads to her liver and lungs, and she has to accept that she is going to die. Before I Say Goodbye is a must read for anyone who has, or has had, breast cancer. It is also a must read for the loved ones of breast cancer victims. If you have survived breast cancer, count your blessings. I, for one, am glad I read this book, and for the insight it gave me. I now know what my own sister went through before she, like Ruth, succumbed to this horrible disease. |