|
Alison
Buckholtz's book, Standing By: The Making of an American
Military Family in a Time of War is a very powerful reminder
that the families of those serving are also heroes in the
War on Terror. The spouses, who are often stay-at-home moms
who work from their home. This story is about Alison, who
works out of her house as an author. This book, written more
like a diary, allows the reader to see what it is like for
military families as they transfer with their serviceperson
to different bases throughout the US. From 2009 to 2012, Scott,
Alison, and their two children, Esther and Ethan, moved to
the small town of Anacortes, Washington for Scott's three-year
Navy assignment.
Alison
allows the average citizen, as well as those marrying into
the military, to understand the trials and tribulations of
being a military family: the difficulty of deployment, how
a military mom becomes a single mother, and the families reliance
on each other for strength and support.
The author
gives a candid and moving account of her friendships with
other military wives and the way they act as a team, their
own unit, to support each other and help one another endure
during these difficult times. This is no more obvious than
in the chapter about "Pippi," who struggles to make
ends meet both financially and emotionally. While in the hospital
recovering from a C-section, Alison organizes fellow military
spouses to report for duty: to come together to help and support
Pippi by cleaning her house, which looked like a junkyard.
Buckholtz noted, "Helping other spouses became a reflex.
I wrote this book as a service to other military spouses."
She believes
that in military marriages, "The service member's spouse
typically takes on the role of the pep-talk-giver when the
kid is sad about Dad's absence, wonders why Dad has to be
away for so long, or demands to know why someone else can't
do the job." She fabulously describes what is like not
only for the spouse, but for the children who must come to
grips with having a parent gone for long periods of time.
She notes, "I wanted to stress to my children that this
is Dad's job; yet, I understood that it is really tough for
a younger child to understand since they see the work as black
and white." This was emphasized in the book when she
gave the example of another military wife who felt that her
husband chose "to stay in the Navy, which means you choose
to leave us."
What
makes the book very interesting is how she shows different
points of view, even if she doesn't feel the same way as the
Navy spouse. She tells of Scott quoting a phrase from the
Lovelace poem, "I could not love thee, Dear, so much,
Loved I not honour more." When asked about this she comments,
"Scott's career was so much a part of his character,
that person who I loved and admired. He would not be that
person without the military service."
She states
that what she loves about the military is being able to have
friendships with people that have a different perspective
than hers. There were people who were judged on their actions
rather than their sex, political affiliations, religions,
or race. "This is the upside. We had a mutual respect
for each other that might not have the glue in a civilian
world. I am grateful to the military for allowing me to be
given the opportunity to get to know people from different
backgrounds, people I otherwise might have never met."
Standing
By is a beautifully written book that should touch the
heart of every American. The author does a great job in explaining
how different families react to the issue of deployment. It
is one of those rare books that can appeal to both those in
the military and citizens who want to understand more of what
it is like to be a military family.
|
