Style Under Stress Test
An
article by
By Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan
and Al Switzler
Authors of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes
are High
Crucial Conversations;
McGraw-Hill ; $16.95 / Trade paperback / ISBN 0-07-140194-6
Submitted to MyShelf.Com
May
2009
What do you do when talking turns tough?
When
conversations become crucial -- when the stakes grow high, opinions
differ, and emotions run strong -- what tactics do you typically revert
to in order to navigate the discussion effectively?
Are
you a masterful communicator or a danger to dialogue? Take the following
quiz to find out your style under stress and learn what skills and tactics
you need to master in order to improve the way you communicate in even
the most crucial conversations.
Style
Under Stress Test
Instructions
Before
you start, read through the following points:
Relationship. Before you get started, think about the relationship you
want to improve -- with your boss, coworker, direct report, friend,
or family member -- and keep this relationship in mind.
Circumstance. Next, think of a tough situation -- one that you might have
handled poorly or avoided altogether.
Apply.
Now, with that situation in mind, respond to the following
statements as either true or false.
| Answer |
Question |
| T |
(Violence)
When arguments get really heated there are times when I exaggerate
my view, use harsh expression such as "that's ridiculous!,"
or I might even say things that hurt the other person. |
| T |
(Silence)
At times rather than share my honest view, I use sarcasm to
make my point, hold back my opinion altogether, or I might
even avoid people rather than get into an argument. |
| T |
(Start
with Heart) When I really get into an argument, sometimes
I get so caught up in the heat of the moment that I move from
trying to respectfully make my point to trying to win or maybe
even discredit the other person. |
| T |
(STATE)
When I really want to make sure my point is heard, I start
with my conclusions such as "you can't be trusted"
-- and then I follow with a strong statement of the facts
-- taking care to avoid weak words such as "perhaps,"
or "I was wondering if . . . " |
| T |
(Learn
to Look) In the middle of a tough conversation, I occasionally
get so caught up in arguments that I miss how I'm coming across
to others and fail to step back and adjust my verbal strategy. |
| T |
(Explore)
When others appear hesitant to speak their honest view about
a difficult or controversial topic, I don't try to get them
to open up, instead I either continue with my views or change
the subject. |
| T |
(Make
It Safe) When I find that I'm at cross purposes with someone,
I often push ahead and keep trying to win my argument rather
than looking for common ground or maybe even apologizing for
being too forceful. |
| T |
(Master
My Stories) When a conversation goes poorly, I'm more inclined
to see the mistakes others made than notice my own role. |
| T |
(Move
to Action) When finishing up a high-stakes and emotional conversation
there have been times when I don't complete the discussion
by clarifying who will do what by when or identifying who
has what decision authority. |
| T |
(Overall)
When stakes are high, emotions run strong, and I really want
to make sure my opinion is heard, I tend to get caught up
in the moment and end up being more on my worst behavior than
I am on my best behavior. |
Scoring
Score a 1 for each false answer and tally up the number of points
you received. If you scored:
9 - 10 Masterful Communicator. No matter the circumstances,
you know how to reach dialogue and make it safe for others to do
the same. Keep it up.
7 - 9 Almost There. In general, you do better than most,
but in order to be a masterful communicator you should brush up
on your crucial conversations skills.
4 - 7 In Need of Skills. You don't tank every conversation .
. . but just about. Improving your crucial conversations could help
you get unstuck.
0 - 3 Danger to Dialogue. Before you do anything else, learn
how to hold crucial conversations.
For more information on how to improve your style under stress,
read the New York Times bestseller, Crucial Conversations:
Tools for Talking When Stakes are High (McGraw-Hill, $16.95).
Available at bookstores everywhere.
© 2009 VitalSmarts.
All Rights Reserved. VitalSmarts, Crucial, Crucial Skills, and Style
Under Stress are trademarks and Crucial Conversations is a registered
trademark of VitalSmarts, L.C
This award-winning team of authors has produced three New
York Times bestsellers, Crucial Conversations: Tools
for Talking when Stakes are High (2002), Crucial Confrontations:
Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations,
and Bad Behavior (2005), and Influencer: The Power
to Change Anything (2007).
Kerry
Patterson has authored award-winning training programs and led multiple
long-term change efforts. He received the prestigious 2004 BYU
Marriott School of Management Dyer Award for outstanding contribution
in organizational behavior. He did doctoral work in organizational
behavior at Stanford University.
Joseph
Grenny is an acclaimed keynote speaker and consultant who has designed
and implemented major corporate change initiatives for the past
20 years. He is also a cofounder of Unitus, a nonprofit organization
that helps the world's poor achieve economic self-reliance.
Ron McMillan is a sought-after speaker and consultant. He cofounded the
Covey Leadership Center, where he served as vice president of
research and development. He has worked with leaders ranging
from first-level managers to corporate executives on topics
such as leadership and team development.
Al Switzler is a renowned consultant and speaker who has directed training
and management initiatives with dozens of Fortune 500 companies
worldwide. He is on the faculty of the Executive Development
Center at the University of Michigan.
Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High
By Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler
Foreword by Stephen R. Covey
Publisher: McGraw-Hill
Publication date: June 2002
Price: $16.95/trade paperback / ISBN: 0-07-140194-6
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